Did I ever tell you I was cursed?

I'm sceptical at best, many other things at worst but I honestly believe sometimes that I am completely cursed...however ridiculous that sounds.

As everybody over on this little bit of land probably knows this happened so my lovely yay-happy-time job is about as unstable as jobs get. My manager called about 30 mins after it was confirmed as fact and explained everything, basically said nothing concrete in terms of contracts lasting out, when we'll be turfed out etc but an administrator is in store and also many suppliers are in to reclaim stock from the shelves which was never paid for...nice.

Anyway, I am in an awful position financially, aside from this...today was payday not that I'd know it, at least its got the debt-collector's off my back but I basically saw none of it so I can't remain in a job where getting paid / my contract running its full course isn't assured. I've had one interview (sadly back in the catering industry, back home perhaps? I was glad to be out of it).

Back to the curse:- This is the second time I've worked for a company who've gone into administration, the first time I didn't get paid so it just can't happen again. In addition to the specific curse, I am more generally cursed in that the dog has eaten both my passport and bankcard recently & I've my driving license and had to order new ones twice.

I am just so feckin' unlucky!

Back in work tomorrow, desperately not looking forward to it but hopefully I'll here back from the fella re the interview - it's in Chester and is beautiful (refurbished crypt) but is a bit of a trek - but they'll definitely pay me, and that's what I need.

The end / \

How life is, etc.

It's been a bit wet, not Cumbria stylee wet but wet enough - although my life on trains has meant I haven't yet been soaked, but wet enough anyway.

How are things? Things are OK, I went to a pointless lecture and got annoyed that it cost me so much to get to, my lecture was cancelled yesterday so I was glad I hadn't paid the train fare and spent two hours on a train to get there and then today? My school class were on a trip so there was no point me going as I'm not authorised for school trips or anything obviously.

The results of this? I've got more irritated waiting for my GTTR application although through speaking to the admissions department at the university in question I've found out they're still waiting for one more bit of info from my referee: a predicted grade. This is a dodgy one as well, he doesn't know anymore than I do and if he goes from last year's results, he would be inclined (well, if I was him - I would be inclined) to predict a 2.2 as I averaged at 59.5 but I'm hoping when he sees entry to the course requires a 2.1 he might be a bit kinder as I am pretty much convinced I'll do it. My essays for this term (due in June) are basically complete, one I have completed the entire thing, just need a couple of proof-reads and some re-organisation and the other one needs fitting together but it's causing me a million issues as I'm commenting on Maus so need to include some frames/pictures from the novel, again working out how to do this is stopping me from writing the essay at all.

In better news: my dissertation draft is finished

10,000 words done and now I'm deliberating irritatedly over what to do about order, up until now I've just slotted them in chronologically but this isn't necessary and when writing my critique, issues would like in trying to explain why I'd done this. It has a definite end but not particular beginning and the order of the other 16 (as there are 17) bears no real importance...as they are literally meant to be random, but then do I have to order the random-ness or just throw them all on the floor and see what happens?
They all need tweaking but they've grown on me since last time I posted.

Hope everybody who has a read is doing wonderfully :-)

Primary School Pt. 2

So after my initial post I thought I'd continue and today was day two, although I only stayed 9am-12pm as I had a million other things to do in the afternoon and the PE classes don't tend to vary much in terms of observation so it seemed OK for me to go.

So yes, I went in a little earlier this week and saw that between 9.15 and 9.30 they have a sort of 'quiet thinking time' with the teaching assistant as the teacher's prepare for their phonics class. Now phonics is something that made very little sense to me but I saw that television programme a few months back and apparently it helps with language/spelling everything really...its definitely better than the whole 'buh eh suh tuh' sort of spelling out and seems to use really good methods/rhymes for learning everything.

The system they use involves posters, flashcards and a random toy freddy the frog, who sits on the shoulder of one classmate and then the rest say their phonics to the pupil with the frog on their shoulder. It helps with learning syllables too I think.

Today's lesson was recapping all the vowel sounds and their rhymes and introducing

'Oy' - toy for a boy (which they all recite together)&

'Oi' - SPOIL the boy

It all sounded very confusing but they all learnt all the rhymes no issue so I guess that's proof its working?? I need to read up as much as possible about this.

Next Literacy again! The three billy goats from last time is definitely a term-theme and I think its the basis for them learning different forms of storytelling as today they did mini-plays, acting out a news report of the incident at the bridge - really funny to watch, especially one little girl who is clearly already an actress haha. They then collected up 'magpie words' which would be good for writing news reports, so they picked out words like reporter and crime etc. Really good.

In Maths, they were playing with huge dice on the carpet and it led to turning tally charts into bar graphs. I actually got involved this time and was working with two pupils drawing out tally charts...there seems to be an emphasis on finishing first, which I do remember but I had to keep trying to slow them down so things could be done properly...was fun though. Had to get involved again and 'play stupid' when 'sir' asked me what number was on the bottom of the dice if 5 was on the top...I said 3 cause obviously they all knew the rule and laughed at me.

Good times were had, looking forward to next week - especially if I can understand this phonics thing a bit better!

Something that means stress management but ISN'T stress management.

The title suggests I am not a fan of 'stress management'. I hate management language and all those terms that seem to have been created and abused in the last decade...but anyway.

I rarely use my blog as a vehicle for procrastination but I physically cannot make myself do my work AND my printer won't work and it's driving me insane.
My dissertation has reached 82% but I've completely lost faith in it and think there is pretty much no distinction between any of my characters/stories...which in turn is making it impossible for me to read through/edit it fairly...I'm determined not to send it to my tutor until its a complete draft cause there's little point but I'm feeling pretty screwed...the initial idea seemed promising (at least to me) but has gone down the drain and turned uberboring...
My two essays are creeping along but as ever, I'm so worried about not doing well enough I just don't know how to concentrate...

Keep thinking about my GTTR application also, I want to know the answer (although I'm expecting rejections) but I'm worrying about the interview if and when it comes...I'm just worrying.

When I worry/get stressed there seems to be nothing I can do, it forms a massive mental block and I seem trapped...I HAVE to work on my uni stuff or its gonna turn out like last year and I'll end up with another 2.2 level grade which is so disappointing because I am better than that.

Good news is last year is worth 33% and my dissertation/this year's modules are also worth 33% respectively, so it is equally weighted...I just NEED some faith...and have none.

Perhaps the whole dissertation idea was flawed but its a bit late to think that now...

Sorry to moan and go on, I know its boring...

Working & stuff

What do people who work in shops remember about customers? I remember next to nothing about most, I remember a little about the customers who are particularly different (this one lady had me find every book for her cornerstones course and called me sweetie/darling every sentence...whilst chewing on her lipstick...).
I was once in Spar and a customer filled his trackies with packets of bacon and the shop assistant had to get them all off him before he left - I've always remembered this but I wonder if they do? It's not something I expect is a common occurrence but weird shit does happen all the time in these places!
I got screamed at by a gentleman today because I refused to clean up his table in the coffee shop - a separate concession within the store with its own staff - but having a uniform on meant ITWASMYJOB to do this. I'll probably have forgotten this by next week but its stuck in my head now.
I found this book today and though it probably would be interesting to read, I mean - she claims to remember loads of stuff, which I suppose through 8 years of service you might retain quite a lot of info. Worth a read I reckon, if just for a laugh.
The job's good though, an improvement on lots of others - although I am at a loose-end a lot of the time and I'm not a fan of ladders at any point...
So far I've had five bankcards and one set of carkeys left at my till - HOW!!!! Car keys! But yeah, I suppose collating this sort of information meant that woman could write that book.
I have another shift tomorrow 12.45-9.15 and then uni on Tuesday (11-1pm) and Wednesday (10-1pm), which require an 8am and 7am train respectively. Thursday is school day! 7.30 train & then...Thu/Fri/Sat I have to go to Southport, 2/2.5 hours of train to feed the cat as my mum is in France and that's that!
I'm looking forward to January and a bit of TIME to exist! I'm attempting not to worry to extensively about essays although I am actually terrified of failure although happily, last year is worth as much as my dissertation and my fuckin dissertation will be 70+% if it kills me!!

THE END

Primary School Pt. 1

Today I did my first observation day in primary school! It was literally the first time I've properly been in a primary school for well, 11 years!! It was amazing, very very different but really interesting.
The school in question is in an area with great ethnic diversity etc so in consequence the teaching methods seem quite different to those in normal schools to accommodate those of different English levels -really interesting!
I sat in all day (well from 9.30) with the year 3s (7-8 year olds) classroom and observed their very strange teacher...who throughout literacy spelt various words wrong (rickerty/mistey) although the exercise was about 'describing words' and not spelling so I suppose as they weren't copying anything down, they were just thinking up their own ideas - it wasn't a huge issue...or should it have been?

The literacy session was all about changing a FAIRYTALE into a SCARYTALE and was working with the three billy goats gruff story...interesting lesson. The kids really tried to get involved but seemed to have trouble thinking up other words for walking and talking...I don't know yet if this is average or below and it isn't essentially a key issue at the moment as I'm just observing how the day works.

The next session was Maths, I stayed in the classroom but the group changed as it was a set rather than an age group. I was never aware of tis happening in primary schools but teaching people in relation to their ability rather than age seemed a good thing. There were pupils from 7-10 in this group and it dealt mainly with times tables...was really strange how they spent 20 minutes 'carpet time' working out the 'rule' for the 10xtable yet by the end of the lesson nobody could remember it...I guess it takes a little more time to work things out.

Over lunch, I hid in the staffroom and tried not to interrupt or annoy anyone, nobody was particularly open or friendly, nor were they unfriendly but I wasn't told by a single person what time I was meant to be where so I was nearly late for the third class of the day.
In the next class I was in turned into Science, where he read a powerpoint from the NHS about brushing teeth and then the kids all got sets of plastic false teeth to take apart and rebuild. All of them rememebred all the different types of teeth, which seemed really weird as they couldn't remember 1 x 1o but there we go!
They're all absolutely awesome kids, it's clear to see where the trouble lies and who needed extra discipline/support but they often got what they needed.
At the end of the day the teacher asked them all to come over and tell me interesting things they'd found out in their Roman books and you could tell who liked to show off and who was trying really hard!
I really enjoyed it despite the teachers making me feel like I shouldn't be there...that was really off-putting. No one told me what to do at the end of the day or when to come back, so the IT technician and a Teaching Assistant suggested coming back at 9am next Thursday as I planned and I've e-mailed the headteacher to that effect!

I think I've memorised everyone's name so far, although there's some very original names in their amass with Qs and apostrophes etc! Awesome!!!

I'll definitely update on this every week, and keep up to date with how I think things are going

And today...

I've been looking at lots of pictures of teacups and tea parties and wish I liked normal tea. I'm not very English in some respects, if you want to consider it in a stereotypical way (which I have spent the majority of the last four hours doing, to counteract my panic at not being able to do any of my essays).

I like green tea & fruit tea and stuff but that doesn't really count does it?

Speaking of tea, my poem 'Tea' is going to be up (along with 'Professor') in the December issue of blankpages the magazine of the Blank Media Collective and I am quite excited about this, mainly because despite having written NOTHING but my taxi related dissertation work in over a month now...I have publications in three places this month, wahoo, should really be inspiration to write more but I am being consumed by fear and panic re my essays/dissertation...

I'm so so so worried about not doing well enough cause I need a 2.1 to do anything in future really don't I? I know I can get it but because I've missed so many classes due to sickness and lack of money, I just don't know if I'll be able to be upto standard. Last year my essay grades ranged from 54 to 70, with most 4 out of 6 being 65 so I think I should be able to get strong enough essay results but what if not? This is a pointless ramble which you should really ignore!!

I'm having huge trouble with Halifax again...I owe them money which I don't have and they were ridiculously rude on the phone to me...they'll just have to wait until payday, I'm annoyed that theyve been charging me over my OD limit without telling me, especially because its annhilated my credit rating! In one month...ah stuff 'em.

I was absolutely shocked to hear about Robert Enke - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8353905.stm - seriously - who would have known? My heart goes out to his wife who clearly knew it was coming but there was nothing she could do. Rest in Peace.

I was also shocked and saddened that this year was the first year that 11/11 has been remembered without any English WWI survivors, I mean I know nobody can live forever but it is strange to see the rememberance ceremonies without Harry Patch and the others. Especially Patch with all his witticisms and other quips. Great man, rest in peace also.

Bit of a lamentful end to this blogpost but there we go, must go and argue with a blank page about Brick Lane etc :)